We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
a search helicopter?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They took my balls.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
