Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
