I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
