I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
