I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
