Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
