Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
