I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
