Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
