I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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