If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize