my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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