I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
