ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
