ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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