I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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