I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
