I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
