If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize