We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
