Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
