If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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