can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize