i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
