I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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