some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
