Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
