Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
