I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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