do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
