It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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