As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
