Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
