Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I did not marry a roomba.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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