it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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