I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
