I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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