Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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