remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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