Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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