when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
