There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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