Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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