marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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