Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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