eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
