saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
