In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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