I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
