I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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