Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
