Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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