So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
