We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
