; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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