someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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