why didn't you poke me back
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
