he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
