You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
