this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize