just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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