I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
