if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
