Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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