My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
