I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
