I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
