i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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