shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
