I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
