i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
