Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
