guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
