READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
