somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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