I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
