Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
